The Day I Learned To Love My Body

I tend to hate most articles written on the topic of body image and loving your body. I find, for myself at least, that they miss the mark. The most recent one to earn my disdain was one that went viral, showing pictures of "real" women and their post-baby bodies. Some had cellulite and stretch marks, some you would never believe were pregnant three months earlier, they represented a wide range of women. And most people re-posted it touting it as being a victory for body image issues and shouts of "Yeah! Screw the media and their unrealistic ideas! Go us! Women!" could be heard across Facebook. So what is my damage, you may ask. Why do these kinds of articles hit a nerve and make me want to tell every woman re-posting this crap, "YOU ARE MISSING THE MARK! STOP!"

I'll tell you why.

First, these "body after baby" articles always imply that I somehow just don't get it, or am less of a woman or not part of the club because I have not given birth to a child. These articles purport to put women who have given birth and have the chutzpah to shed their clothes and pose for a camera up on a pedestal. Now, I'm not saying they are not brave or awesome women. I'm not saying that in the slightest, and if posing nude post-baby helps them get their sexy back, then that is just fine by me, though I wish they would do it truly for themselves and not make the appearance of their bodies the focal point of an Internet article. Here is why these articles rub me the wrong way: THEY ARE STILL FOCUSING ON THE OUTWARD APPEARANCE OF BODIES OF WOMEN.

They are not focusing on the strength or the amazing things the female body can do. They are simply focusing on the outward appearance. And I hate it. I hate it so hard.

Anyway, I want to share with you about the day I learned to love my body. Because no amount of reading "real women have curves" centric articles, no amount of my husband telling me how he loves my body, no amount of anyone telling me anything could have created the shift inside that happened last Sunday.

Last Sunday. January 19th, 2014. I did a half-marathon in Disneyland.

I am not in excellent shape. I did not train hardly at all. I WAS TERRIFIED. 

I signed up for this race with my best friend with the expectation that I would commit to about 9-10 weeks of training in preparation for this day. Didn't happen. I could not get motivated to save my life. There was not anything in me that wanted to train for this race. I can't explain it, I wanted to participate but I just couldn't drag myself to the gym. In retrospect I believe it was the feeling that I was so out of shape and so ill-prepared, I think I thought "why bother?" 

So, the night before the race I'm laying in bed and I'm cursing myself for not training and then for reasons unbeknown to me, my nana appeared in my head. Nana has been in a wheelchair for about 20 years. All of the sudden, I'm picturing very vividly my nana in the stands at one of my softball games as a kid, cheering me on. And then, tears. Tears in my eyes. And all I can think is, wow. I'm laying here complaining in my head about being signed up for a half-marathon I didn't train for and what would my nana give to be able to walk even just one mile? And then the wave of gratitude hit me and I began to thank God for giving me legs that work. Strong legs that I often curse as being too big. I claim to believe in a God who formed me in His image, and yet I curse the very body He has given me.

The gratitude did not stop that night. I awoke the next morning excited and with a feeling of peace. I am healthy, I have legs that work, and the rest is all mental. Period. I can absolutely do 13.1 miles. 

My bestie and I at the starting line at 5am.

The race began and we wound through Disneyland and California Adventure for about the first six miles. I was feeling great, couldn't stop smiling and loving it. Then the race went out onto the streets of Anaheim. And there weren't as many marching bands and costumed Disney characters cheering us on. Then the eighth mile hit and I was pretty much over the whole thing. 

I began to pray. Not for strength or the will to keep moving. I began to pray a prayer of thanks. Thank you, Lord, for legs that work and a heart that beats and lungs that rise and fall. Thank you, Jesus, for the financial means to go on a trip like this with my best friend. Thank you, thank you, thank you. And then tears filled my eyes again as they usually do when I feel heard by the Creator of all things good and right. 

As I kept on going through the last three miles, I never ceased thanking God for my body. I crossed the finish line and immediately burst into tears. I don't think I have ever been more proud of a physical accomplishment and it came over me in waves of emotion that I can not describe. It was beautiful. I WAS BEAUTIFUL. Dripping with sweat and bags under my eyes from the 3:30am wake up, I posed for a picture.

Normally I pick apart pictures of myself immediately after they are taken. I wish my arms were thinner, I wish my stomach was flatter, I wish my face were less round. Not this time. I looked at the picture and just saw strength and beauty. And that feeling has not left me. 

My body is strong and powerful in ways no picture can do justice. I can run races and climb mountains and bring human life into the world with my body. My body embraces those in times of sorrow and in joy with abounding hugs. This body has rocked babies to sleep and slid into home plate and jumped in lakes and rode down mountains. My body is so much more than a picture, or how it looks. I am strong beyond words and beautiful beyond description. 

Something incredible happens when you see yourself as TRULY beautiful and strong, from the inside out. All of the sudden, you want to take care of that body. I kept waiting to lose weight to feel good about myself, and now I realize I had it completely backwards. I needed to feel good about myself first. I needed to know my worth and strength and beauty never were in the numbers on the scale. They weren't in the numbers on the scale when I was 21 and 40 pounds lighter and they aren't in the scale now. My weight has NOTHING to do with my beauty. And the freedom that comes from believing that with every fiber of my being...indescribable. Here's to a healthy life full of adventure and activity, rest and running, broccoli and cake, water and wine. Here is to balance and loving ourselves, from the inside out. 

Make Ahead Breakfast For A Busy Day

So, if you told me ten years ago how much I would love being a housewife, I would have said you were definitely high. But I love it. I love cooking, I even enjoy cleaning (THIS DOES NOT INCLUDE LAUNDRY WHICH IS FROM SATAN HIMSELF) and I just love taking care of my husband. He works so hard at the railroad on such an unpredictable schedule, that's one of the reasons I've stayed home is so that we can have some time together. That said, I am getting ready to go back to work this winter in real estate and am very excited about it. This recipe will definitely be a keeper for busy mornings with no time to make a hot breakfast from scratch.

BREAKFAST ENCHILADAS

• Approximately 2 cups cooked breakfast meat (ham, sausage, bacon, whatever you like)
• 2 cups Tillamook Cheddar cheese (listen, you can use another brand...but that brand would be incorrect. Sooooo...your move.)
• Diced Veggies, about 1 cup, whatever you like (I used mushrooms and peppers)
• 2 cups half and half 
• 5 eggs
• 10 medium sized soft tortillas
• pepper

Take a 9"x13" baking dish and grease that mother with either Pam or butter or whatever. Grease it good, you don't want this masterpiece sticking.

Mix together whatever breakfast meats and veggies you chose in a bowl with 1 cup of the TILLAMOOK cheese. Seriously guys, it's just the best and I'm gonna have to insist here.

Portion your veggie/meat/cheese mixture evenly into the tortillas and place in the pan. Leave the ends open.

Whisk together your eggs and half and half. Add a little cracked black pepper if you're like me and put that noise in everything. Mix it. Mix mix it REAL good.

Pour the egg over the whole thing. Just dump it all over. Trust me on this.

Reserve the other cup of grated cheese until right before baking.

Pop it in the fridge, go to bed. You've got breakfast covered in the a.m.

Wake up. I know, it's rough. But you get a delicious hot breakfast today!

Preheat oven to 350.

Put that reserved cheese on top. Bake COVERED with tinfoil for approximately 35 minutes or until it is completely set. The egg mixture weirdly makes its way in to the enchiladas and makes like ten mini breakfast burritos. Craziness. Awesome. Anyway, after 35 min, pop the foil off and bake another 10 minutes uncovered. VOILA. Breakfast. 

Seriously, they were delicious and kept awesome in the fridge, we ate them two more days in a row and Brett even took one for lunch. They would freeze well too, I think. Also, you could totes cut this recipe in half. They are awesome topped with salsa as well!

ENJOY.

BUMBERSHOOT (We Are Not Festival Girls)

Labor Day Weekend. 2013.

Attended first music festival.

Sunday morning, I hopped in my best friend's car at 7:30 in the blasted morning and we made our way up to Bumbershoot in Seattle to see some of our favorite bands. I had high hopes, people. Too high. Unfairly high. In my head, we were going to see Tegan and Sara, fun., Mates of State, a forum with the writers of Parks and Rec, Death Cab for Cutie and possibly the tail end of Matt and Kim. SO MUCH MUSIC FOR A MERE $55! We would wander the grounds, eating delicious yum yums, people watching, relaxing in the grass as the music played, WE WOULD BE FESTIVAL GIRLS, DAMMIT! 

we forgot our flower headbands and wore too much clothing, as it turns out

Everything on the interwebz about music festivals is a lie. It's a lie, people. Okay, I'm being dramatic. Here's the conclusion I've drawn: festivals are not the way to see your favorite bands. If I wasn't so attached to seeing my favorite bands, who happened to be the headliners and playing the main stage, it would have been a different experience all together and probably closer to the one I had in my head. But that wasn't the case. There were three bands out of a bajillion thousand playing that day that I HAD to see. Tegan and Sara, fun., and Death Cab. All three headliners playing in an arena that had a capacity. This was the problem. Had they been on a stage outside like the other bands, we would have been able to do our thing on festival grounds wandering booths/food/other music until maybe 30 minutes before these headliners were going on. But because Bumbershoot has their heads up their collective asses changed things a while ago, headliners play in Key Arena. So you have to line up hours before to assure you get inside to see them and don't end up in the nosebleeds. 

As it turns out, we would spend many more hours standing in line than we would listening to music. We did, however, get to see the three bands we came to see, plus Ra Ra Riot who was playing just before Death Cab. We ate greasy chicken strips for lunch while waiting in line for Tegan and Sara at about noon and then were starving by the time we got back in the arena for Death Cab so I waited in line for 40 MINUTES OF MY LIFE for a mother loving burrito only to receive nachos and be too exhausted to even give a hoot. "I actually ordered a burrito...you know what? Nachos are great. Give me the nachos...DO NOT START MAKING ME A BURRITO, KID, HAND OVER THE CHIPS!"

Greasy food and shot expectations aside, the bands we came to see absolutely kicked ass and that's all that really mattered at the end of the day.

tegan and sara

fun. 

death cab for cutie playing Transatlanticism in it's entirety. life changing.

So after waking up at 6am, driving three hours, last show ending at 11:15pm, driving to Kristin's brother's to crash for the night, showering, and finally getting in bed at almost 2am, it made for a near 20 hour day for approximately to see less than 5 hours of music. In short, I'm getting too old for this shit. 

I got to spend the day with my bestie listening to music that speaks to my heart, though. And I mean really, am I seriously complaining that I got to go to a music festival? No. I'm very fortunate to be able to do these kinds of things in my life. This is a mere cautionary tale...if you're over 25, you're going to spend a good part of your day asking, "WHERE IS YOUR MOTHER?!" to the hooligan children roaming the grounds, cutting in lines, shoving you, wearing no clothes and being utterly gross. To be fair, while waiting in line for hours for Death Cab, we did meet three lovely young girls standing behind us who might have restored my faith in the next generation. All in all, glad I went, not sure I'll be back. Bumbershoot, it's been real.

me and one of my best girls, kristin

Rainy Soup Day

I love autumn. 

It's quite possibly my most favorite time of the year. I got my first pumpkin spice latte of the season today (yes, I am aware it is not quite ACTUALLY fall, but it was rainy and dreary and gloomy outside, just let me have this, okay?!) and it inspired me to just go all out autumn errrrythang today.

I bring you...

TACO SOUP

Here's the deal. You can't screw this up. If you actually manage to mess this up, I will give you an award of some kind. You can use any canned beans you have on hand, add diced potatoes or squash for some extra umph, etc. Get creative. Here is what I used today:

• 1 can Simple Truth Organic kidney beans
• 1 can Simple Truth Organic pinto beans
• 1 can Simple Truth Organic great northern beans
• 2 cans Simple Truth Organic diced tomatoes (the kind with no salt added)
• 1 can Simple Truth Organic yellow corn
• 1 small can La Victoria diced green chiles
• 2 cups water
• 1 lbs. Simple Truth Organic ground turkey
• 1 packet of ranch seasoning
• 1 packet of taco seasoning

Brown your meat. Open all cans. Add all cans (do not drain anything!) to crockpot. Add meat to crockpot. Add water and packets to crock. Stir that stuff up. Turn said crock on for 4 hours on high or 8 hours on low, it makes no difference. Go about your business and come back and enjoy for din din.

See what I mean? Try and mess this up. My husband will top this with tortilla chips and a dollop of sour cream. That makes it extra amazing. I won't, because minus that it's actually a pretty healthy dinner. And I'm watching my girlish figure (read: I would rather use those calories for a glass of wine dessert later). 

I'm gonna try and post some more recipes in the coming weeks/months. Let me know what you think!

present

I have a goal. I want to live more in the present moment. I want to ignore my iPhone, iPod, tablet, TV, and everything when engaging in conversation with those I love.

I am a real jackass about this currently. Bare with me. I'm going to fix this. This need to constantly respond to every text/email/Facebook comment has got to be reeled in. Join me in this effort? Call me out if I'm being a jerk with my electronics. Help me be a better human. Life is too short to miss because we were looking at a screen. I'm gonna do better. I said so on the interwebs, that's as legally binding as it gets.

young&wild&free

I'm thankful for my youth. I'm thankful for everything my roaring 20's have brought my way. Cheers to living it up, because you only get ten years to be in your 20's.

Live Music

Tonight I am thankful for live music. I am heading North tomorrow to see fun. with one of my best friends. I'm thankful for the euphoria that happens while watching a band of musicians that you can tell understand the incredible privilege that it is to watch people sing along to a song you wrote. I have always said that must be the best feeling in the world. Tomorrow is going to kick ass.